Hunter's Moon
by Mistress Sorcha
Summary: The Winchesters go on a hunt for an elusive and dangerous demon. She finds them first, kidnaps and tortures Dean and leaves him for dead.Castiel guides Sam to him and brings him back from the brink of death.Dean must deal with the aftermath of his ordeal.
1. Chapter 1

Dean awoke to the gentle, rumbling sound of a throaty purr. It took a few moments to gather his thoughts and concentrate through the pain. He grimaced as felt all the nerves firing in his body, sending out waves of pain. He breathed out a long, low moan as his body fought to gain a modacrim of control and lock down the pain into a manageable level. He ached all over….what the hell had happened? Slowly, his eyes fluttered open….his vision was blurry and his eyes dry. He opened and closed them a couple of times and finally his vision cleared. He found himself staring into the half-closed green eyes of a small, sleek black cat. He felt the purr as well as heard it, as the cat sat gently upon his chest, deftly kneading the flesh with its paws as though needing dough… Dean felt a small smile creep onto his face…Generally, he was a dog kinda guy, but the quiet, rumbling purr was calming, soothing balm to his pain-racked body and frayed nerves. He reached up and stroked the cat's soft, furry head, eliciting a louder purr from the cat, who was still kneading away on his chest. He saw a collar glinting silver against the cat's dark fur. He lifted it to look at it, and there, in script-style lettering, was the cat's name.

"Midnight, huh?" he said, his voice hoarse and low, barely above a whisper, as he turned the tag over…blank….

"Well, Midnight, who is you keeper, huh? Where is your owner?"

As if the cat understood,…it hopped down off his chest, onto the bed and then onto the hard, wooden floor and padded quietly toward the door. As it passed through the door, it paused and turned to look at him, as if to say, "you wanted to meet my owner, so are you coming?"…

Dean flipped back the covers, though, with his battered, aching muscles, it took him several tries…he had to rest for a second…his energy levels depleted by that one simple move…slowly, he steeled himself and willed his burning back and shoulder muscles to move forward….he caught mid-lift, his muscles shaking and threatening to give out, but with a the last little bit of energy he had, him shifted forward enough that momentum carried him forward…he sat panting,…his breath coming in gasping breaths, beads of sweat rolled slowly down his face from the exertion…..he rocked slightly as his stomach joined the mutiny against him and threatened to let the bile crawl it's way out of his dry, painfully rough throat…he closed his eyes and clenched his jaw, willing the feeling to pass….slowly, it did leave him,…rocking slightly as his body put down the revolt inside him…the feeling finally gone, he opened his eys and realized for the first time that he was in boxers only…….puzzling over this concerning fact, he also noticed all his wounds and bruises…he saw many large gashes, their tightly gathered edges bound to one another by stitch work…so, that was probably why he had no clothes….they needed to clean and tend his wounds…clothes would just get in the way….he also noticed that his bruises were already very apparent, changing color as they healed…by the looks of it, they were several days old…..where the hell did several days go?....He remembered who he was, his family, everything that had happened days, months, even years ago…so,…why couldn't he remember the last couple of days…

He pondered over that bewildering and concerning thought as he swung his legs over the edge of the bed,…his knees started to give, but he caught the wall with his palm just in time to brace himself from falling,…dizziness washed over him and he shuffled forward to lean his body against the wall, waiting for the wave of dizziness to pass….

He felt a soft warm feeling on his lower legs and heard the low rumbling purr again. He looked down to see Midnight, apparently concerned about him, circling his legs once or twice and then pausing to look up at him, as if to say…are you all right? He smiled a small smile and the cat seemed to understand he was ok, he just needed a second….Midnight turned and padded into the hall, stopping to patiently wait half-way down it's dark, somewhat narrow length.

Dean shuffled slowly down the hall, his palms braced against the wall on each side to study himself…It was slow going, as each time he moved, he jarred a injury or a wave of dizziness and nausea overtook him and he had to stop until it passed…

Something so simple as walking down a hall was taking him a seemingly endless amount of time…as he passed the middle of the hall, Midnight circled his legs, being careful not to trip him, and moved up to the end of the hall to wait for him to catch up in his ungainly, coltish gait….he finally reached the end and was ready to collapse from sheer exhaustion…when he saw that there was a table and chair immediately in front of him, it what was apparently the kitchen…he drew out a chair and collapsed. He placed his hands palms down on the table and to brace himself from falling over but the sheer weight of his torso was causing them to shake and threaten to give, so he slid his arms criss-crossing on the table and lay his head down upon them to rest for a moment…his eyes fluttered closed and the physical toll on his system caused him to fall back unconscious…

Sometime later, his eyes flashed open and he lifted his head, his eyes fluttering open and closed as he tried to get his bearings…he heard the rumbling purr and felt Midnight by his feet, an d he looked down at the cat, who looked right back at him as if to say…hey, you're the one who just had to get up…..

He smiled wearily at the cat….saying "Yeah, I know….never been the patient sort, though…." He said reaching to briefly scratch the cat behind the ears…then he braced his palms against the table and lifted himself up again…Midnight ran ahead through an archway and then passed to sit at the entrance of another short hall….Dean lumbered along, bracing himself against the wall and doors until he caught up…he stumbled down the hall, Midnight leading the way, turning back occasionally to see if he was coming…. They enter a living room area, the front door off on the side….he saw shelf after shelf lined with books and occult objects lining the walls, stacked and packed to the ceiling…as he slowly turned his head to take in the room, he realized he knew this place….he rotated slowly to the far corner and there, he saw a raven-haired woman leaning diligently over a small table,…her face blocked from view, by her mane of dark hair…her could see the gentle slope of her graceful back, tightly contained in a form-hugging tank top…his eyes trailed down her back to where her top ended and to the small gap there between her top and jeans….He could clearly see her tattoo peeking out…Jesse Forever….yeah, right, never get a tattoo of someone's name on you, it just dooms the relationship…his eyebrow raised and a smirk played across his face…..he was about to speak, but she beat him to it…

"Well, Dean,…glad to see your feeling like your old self….and you're lucky I don't mind you checking out my ass,…some girls might take offense, though….why don't you ramble on over here and have seat….." Pamela said, not even looking up from her task at hand…

Dean shook his head,….same old brassy, tough as nails Pamela….he shuffled over to the opposite side of the table to sit down…he looked at her face, guilt-stricken as he expected to see the burned-out, hollow eyes that he had caused….but as she looked up at him for a moment,…he saw they were not burned out, but that she had her eyes back…..he was still reeling from the shock when she spoke again…

"Hi there, sexy,…I know what your thinking,…Castiel came to me…he restored my sight….and warned me to heed a warning when it's obviously for my own protection….Angels….cocky bastards aren't they…." She said as she smiled her seductively confident smile and raised her eyebrow back at him…..

"Pamela….I….I am so sorry you went through that….you have no idea how bad I felt…."he wanted to say more, but she cut him off….

"Save it sugar,…I knew what I was doing had risks….I am fine,…really,….and you need to stop blaming yourself,…you aren't Superman…you can't save the world…and you can't hold onto things that you could not have changed….It was not your fault, Dean…." She said…

Her words hit him like a ton of bricks,…his eyes welled up and his throat became tight and he turned to look away for a moment, tears glistening wet in his eyes, and he looked down at his hands and closed his eyes as the tears cascaded from his eyes in hot, stinging rivers….he gripped his head in his hands,…her forgiveness and more then he could bear….he heard her chair scrape the floor as she pushed it back…he heard it groan as her weight lifted off it and he heard her feet quietly shuffle across the floor as she came and stood beside him, taking his head and pulling him close to her chest….he lost himself in the comfort of her soft shape,…her darkly husky perfume permeating his nose,…he drifted,…lost in pain for he didn't know how long,…all the while, she stroked his bristly dark blonde hair and rocked him gently against her body….he started to regain control of himself, and she must have felt him doing so, because she gently pulled away and walked back around to sit down at the table, opposite of him….she crossed her fingers and lay her hands on the table, patiently waiting until he was ready to talk.

He swiped his rough hand across his face and sniffed back the liquid that was trying to escape from his nose….he took a deep breathe and looked up at her…her serene smile greeted him as she looked back. His eyes, still a little wet, were all that betrayed his moment of weakness…he smiled a sad smile and had to look away for a moment again….as he turned back, his sarcastic humor kicked in, his first choice to mask his internal turmoil…his smile turned a bit sardonic and widened….

"You're right…I'm not Superman……" he said, his grinned huge on his features, his dimples deep and his eyes gleaming with mischief…" I'm Batman…."

Pamela grinned and shook her head…."You are one cheeky bastard, you know that…" She picked up where she left off, she shuffled her tarot cards,…preparing to lay down a new spread… she looked up at him and said…."I've been trying to see what's been going on for you are morning,…you, Bobby, Sam,…it seems as if something big is happening, but the spirit world is being decidedly closed-lip about what…which is a bit worrying, frankly….something big is going down…and I am afraid to say that I am unable to provide any sort of guidance about it…."

She shook her head and lay out a new spread,…

Dean looked on, not wanting to interrupt her,…she must have sensed what he was gonna ask, because she lifted her head and looked at him, speaking soothingly to his worried mind…"Don't worry, Sam is fine…he's with Bobby…they went to get some supplies and they will be back late this evening…Sam wanted to stay, but Bobby needed him so, he reluctantly left your side…he hasn't slept in 4 days,…he refused to sleep while you were there, in pain…for the first couple of days, he wouldn't even eat…until Bobby threatened to tie him down as shove it down his throat….smart boy that he is,…he knew Bobby was serious, so he ate….Dean, hon,….what's the last thing you remember….?"

Dean thought back…he remembered the hunt in Missouri, he remembered going to celebrate at a local dive…he remember Sam's weary form shuffling off to go to bed, while he stayed to have a few more drinks….after that there was nothing….and he told Pamela so….

She looked at him….her brows knitted with concern,…

"Honey, that was 8 days ago….."

Dean's eyes went wide with shock and confusion…."I lost 8 days?....." he was desperately trying to make sense of what he was being told……

Pamela watched him with even more concern…."Well, you've been here a little over 4 days,…you see, when you didn't return to the hotel room that night, Sam figured you'd probably just hooked up with a girl,…the next morning, when he didn't see you in the hotel and you weren't sleeping it off in the car, he started to get worried…..he asked around….the bartender remembered you heading of with a dark-haired woman around 1 am…then nobody saw you after that…he tried and tried to call you,…but your voice mail was full….he called Bobby who then called me….we went up to join the search for you….close to the end of the third day,…I got a tip from the spirit world…they told me where to find you….by the time we got to the building,…you were unconscious and barely holding on….we drove you to the hospital, and they did what they could for you…they didn't seem to think that you would make it….Sam didn't want you to die in a hospital,…he said he knew that wasn't what you'd want, so, since my place was closer, we brought you here…Castiel appeared….he apologized to me, restored my sight,…then he insisted on being alone with you,…about an hour later, he emerged from the room…he looked terrible…horribly pale,…like he was going to fall over…and then he just disappeared in flutter of wings without saying anything…..don't rightly know what he did to you, but whatever it was, he paid a heavy toll for it…and you, well, you started to recover….your body started to heal, slowly, but surely…Sam was so wrecked when he thought he'd lost you,…but when Castiel did what ever he did, Sam got down on his knees and prayed, thanking God and Castiel and he stayed there,…for hours, before he finally swung himself up into a chair…unwilling to leave your side……that's what we know….maybe, if you're up to it, I can hypnotize you and we can figure out what happened during the missing time…." Pamela broke off, allowing what she said to sink in…

"I don't know,…I can't remember….I don't know if I want to remember…no…no…I have to know…what if they got information out of me,…or I did something…..something terrible…" his voice caught in his throat as he remembered his terrible deeds while in Hell….what if he'd done…that…again…to a living…breathing person…his throat clenched and he felt like he was going to vomit, his disgust for himself, for the horrible things he had done…almost made him lose control again…he gripped his arms around himself, rocking back and forth,…tears burning down his cheeks again…..he had to know….he had to know what monstrous things he may have done….he looked up at Pamela's soft, concerned eyes…."Ok….let's do it…I need to know….what happened…"

Pamela looked on as Dean, his broken soul struggling to come to terms with everything he had been through,…she knew some of what had happened in Hell…knew what they had made him do…she couldn't tell him,…she knew how it had torn him, shattered him…that he could never forgive himself…and she knew she could never convince him it wasn't his fault…

She had him lay on her coach, concentrating on centering herself, she walked herself through her methods of connecting….She opened her eyes, Dean was patiently watching her, a small smile on his lips…she smiled back…."Ok,…are you sure?....Are you sure you want to do this….?" Pamela asked…

"I'm sure…." Dean said, the apprehension giving his voice a slight edge….


	2. Chapter 2

"Ok,….here we go then….close your eyes…good,…now breathe in, nice and deep….ok,…let it out slowly…..good……breathe in nice and deep again….take your time,…let it fill you up, let it wash over you….now let it out…slowly…let your worries flow out with it….that's it….listen to the sound of my voice,…breathing in deep and letting all your worries leave you and you breathe out…..good….you are in a safe place,…you are calm…nothing bad can happen to you here,…ok….just rest,….keep breathing….in………and out…………good….."

She touched his brow, which had been furrowed with tension and his face melting into a peaceful, grace–filled state….

"Dean….can you hear me…"

"Yes…"

"OK,…good…Dean, I want you to go back to that last hunt….you finished up the hunt,…you and Sam stopped in a local dive to celebrate….right?"

"Yes,…."

"OK, why don't you walk me through what happened next…"

"Sam and I were drinking….Sam doesn't hold his alcohol well, so he decided he better stop for the night….I told him I was gonna stay a little longer and then I be back to the room to get some sleep….Sam shuffled of toward the room,…I could tell he'd already had to much and that tomorrow he was going to be sick as a dog….again…I ordered up another couple of shots and another beer…I was alone there for only a few minutes when a woman approached me…." he broke off….he was having trouble staying focused on that night….

"Dean,…can you hear me Dean?...I want you to take a deep breath and keep going,…ok? Nothing that happened that night can hurt you,….ok?"

"Ok…."

"Keep going Dean, you can do it…."

Dean's face tensed as he willed himself to concentrate…"A woman approached me…she was a little shorter than me,…dark haired,…big green eyes….voluptuous….she spoke to me….when she spoke, she had a southern drawl…." Dean suddenly flashed back into that moment…his body still with Pamela,…he distantly heard himself telling her the story, but it was a distant thought in his mind….he was in the moment…as if he was right there experiencing it again….the woman sauntered up to the bar, her tight black dress a vision on her dangerously curved form…she looked at him out of the corner of her eye for a second before turning herself to face him….

"Well hey there, sugar…why don't you buy me drink…."

Dean turned to look at her, his trade mark Dean Winchester smile gracing his lips…his dimples gracing his cheeks….a mischievous gleam sparkling in his eyes….

"Well, now,….I certainly will…." He turned toward the bartender…"Hey barkeep, anything the lady wants…."

The bartender shuffled down and stood in front of the lady…"What'll ya have, miss…" he said in his scratchy, weary old voice…

"I'll have a beer, same as his, and I'll have a double shot of bourbon,…straight up…" she said, her lulling, lyrical voice fascinating to listen to….

"Hop you don't mind sugar,…I just couldn't decide between the two…." She said, turning up the charm another notch…her body leaned suggestively against the bar's edge….

The bartender brought the lady her drinks and moseyed away, pick up on the fact that they were have a private chat…

"No, no problem,…I don't mind at all…would you care to join me?..." Dean said, raising his eyebrow and giving her a wink as he pulled out a barstool for her….

"Well, my my,…a chivalrous man….I thought all your kind we dead and gone….Why yes,…I do think I'll take a load off my feet…, if you don't mind……" she said, as she gracefully took a seat on the stool, crossing her legs to best show off their shape....

Dean admired the flawless expanse of skin in front of him….he looked up and caught her admiring gaze as well…her plump lips curved in a seductive smile…her brow arching as see took in his form….

"Well now, darlin'….you are a handsome devil….What's your name, sugar?..." she said, leaning closer to Dean,…her voice taking on a seductive purring tone….

"Dean…Dean Winchester,…and whom do I have the distinct pleasure of talking to….?" He said, leaning closer to her…her dark, sensual perfume flowing into his nose, intoxicating his senses….

"Well now,…I'd argue to say that the pleasure is mine, Dean Winchester…my name is Tara,…Tara Gracen…" she said,…holding out her hand….

Dean clasped her hand firmly between his two hands…her grip was firm and her skin silky smooth,…he was reluctant to let it go…

She withdrew her hand and lifted her shot to her waiting lips…her eyes gleamed with mischief of their own for an moment until she closed here heavily-lidded eyes and tipped her head back, swallowing the double shot in one smooth tip…she slowly lowered her head, her heavy lids halfway open, giving her that bedroom eyes look….she watched him watching her,…his cocky, confident smile never wavering…her thoughts wandered off in a distinctly naughty directions as she caught his eyes….a devilish grin played at her lips….

Dean watched her take the shot in stride….impressive….her bedroom eyes gazed at him seductively…a devilish grin and a playfully lust-filled look filled her eyes….he gave her his best confident smile, a similarly lusty look playing in his eyes…he watched as she tipped her beer back, he took a couple swallows of his own….

She leaned in close, her soft cheek brushing against his rough skin to whisper in his ear, her perfume overwhelmingly sensual at that distance, she purred into his ears, her soft lips brushing his skin, causing pleasing tingles to flow through his body…"Listen sugar,…I'm not usually so forward,…but,…how's about you join me in my room for the night…." She said, catching his earlobe in her lips, gently nibbling it before pulling back to gage the look in his eyes….

Dean leaned in close, his rough cheek sending pleasurably electric pulses straight through her,…she shivered throught the sensation,…his deceptively soft lips brush the skin of her throat in a maddeningly delicious pattern as he worked his way up to her ear…she closed her eyes as the sensations sent a wave of pleasure through her….he brushed her ear, ever so lightly,…and whispered in a low seductive growl…"I think I better grab the check,…because I think I would really like to take you up on that offer…." he drew her lobe in between his lips, a gentle hum purred over he skin, causes her to gasp and her body to shiver…

He felt her shiver in pleasure…he signaled for the check as she regained her composure…he paid the barkeep and waited while she gathered her bag and jacket…she slipped her arm around his waist and they walked out together…

"It's a nice night and the hotel I'm staying at is just up the street….do you mind if we walk?..." she said, her lips close to his ear again….

"Fine by me,…fine by me…" as he strode off with her, arm in arm…

They arrived at the room, and she slipped her arm out from around his waist to fumble around in her bag for the key…

He waited, grinning slightly as she tried to slip the card in the slot….a stream of quiet curses escaping her lips, under her breath….

"Please,…allow me…." He said, and she handed the card to him….

He deftly slid it home in the slot an the door made a signaling buzz as the locks disengaged,… he handed the card back and held open the door…" Ladies first,…"

She strode through the door and he closed it behind him, being sure to post the Do Not Disturb sign…


	3. Chapter 3

She put her bag down on the table and and slid her jacket over the back of the chair…she turned her back to him, a liitle unsure of what to do…

Dean approached her from behind, he placed one of his hands gently on her shoulder…with the other, he gently brushed her raven mane from her shoulder, sweeping it to one side…he leaned down and breathed in her perfume, his rough cheek grazing the side of her face again…sending shivers through her body…a gasp escaped her lips and she tilted her head to the side to allow him access to more skin….she reached up and caressed his face, her fingers weaving their way through his close cropped dishwater blond hair….her lips grazed ever so lightly or her skin, his tongue danced maddeningly over her collar bone…he worked his way up her neck, his fingers weaving through her dark hair, as he captured her earlobe in his lips again…the hand upon her shoulder gently slide her strap down….caressing her skin as he moved down her arm….his lips hummed a low, rumbling pulse over her sensitive ear lobe. Causing her body to arch in pleasure…she panted in a breath as his lips grazed the flesh of her neck,…he shifted her hair to the other side and continued his gentle torture…she leaned heavily against him as he took his time to tease her to distraction….he slid the zipper of her dress down ever so slowly, her beautiful bare back skin exposed as the zipper inched it's way down….it started to slip from her body….the top slid down revealing her stunning cleavage inch by inch under it slipped of completely,…dropping to the floor….the cool breeze from the a/c unit cause her skin to prickle and her nipples to harden….she gasped at the chilly sensation…

A warm chuckle spilled from his lips as he felt the goose bumps from on her skin….he slid his rough-hewn hands softly along her rib cage, letting them rest on her flat abdomen, his thumbs making lazy, soft circular motions on her skin….

She tilted her head back and he captured her lips with his in a deep, hungry kiss….he heard and felt her breath a low moan into his lips….her tongue and his danced a intricate tango and there breathing deepened as their desire rose…

He turned her toward him, her chest pressed desireably against his as her wove his fingers into her hair and pulled her in tight for an even more deep and juicy kiss….her hands explored the shape of his shoulders, the muscular curve of his back….she needed to feel his skin against hers…She grasped the edge of his shirt and lifted it up over his head…

His body was sculpted like that of a greek god….his flawless skin as smooth as the finest marble…she pressed her exposed flesh against his reveling in the sensation of his warmth….

His scooped one of his large hands under her legs and the other around her torso as he lifted her gently off the ground and carried her to the bed….he lay her down and slowly, undid the top of his jeans, sliding the zipper down slowly… he slid them down his hips and let them drop to the floor…his boxers as well…

She lay quietly, taking in the sight of his naked form…he was exquisitely sculpted from head to toe… he slid in behind her on the bed… his rough hands caressed her body, causing her to moan in delight…his hands deftly maneuvered her body close to his… and as he entered her, she gasped at sheer size of him….he patiently waited from her to accept him, all the while he caressed her,…teased her,…his lips upon her throat again…her body shook at the sensations, building toward a blinding climax…he pressed closer to her, as gently as he could and grudgingly, her body allowed him to move inside her,….he teased her body, feeling it flutter ever closer to the brink….he slid gently into her, rocking her slowly back to him…he whispered words into her ears as he pulled her back to him again and again…his hot breath on her ear sending her over the edge….her hands gripped his as they cupped her breasts,… her muscles locked around him and her whole body went rigid and wave after wave of pleasure cascaded over her…she couldn't breathe, only a rapid, panting breaths escaped now and again…he pressed on, not waiting for the waves to stop crashing…he thrust diligently into her, her hands snaked up around his head, pulling him close…he captured her lips in a deep, penetrating kiss, his hands stroking her thighs,…her tight abdomen….she grasped his hand and slid it down, he stroked her as she stroked the top of his hand…her body was throbbing,…he felt her jerk as a massive wave overtook her…her body locked,…she cried out in a wailing, gasping scream then fell silent as her breath was stolen from her…he body crashed so hard in each wave that she thought she was dying…the pleasure was so exquisitely accurate that she thought she might pass out…

Dean still did not stop…he with drew form her and lay her back on the bed, he knelt before her and pulled her up on to him, she couldn't speak….her body still trying to ride out the waves,…he quickly entered her, wrapping her legs around his back….his hands supported her body as he leaned her back her arms tried to grip his neck but she had no strength still….he raised and lowered her thrusting to meet her body with his, eliciting gasping moans from her… he lowered his head to her awaiting chest, teasing her nipples to stand-at-attention status, his hands caressed her back, gripping her shoulders gently from behind as he rocked her deeply upon him…her body shuddered and shook,…she couldn't hold out any longer…she shattered over the edge once again… she screamed….as the first wave hit her…Dean still pulling her upon him, sweat glistening down his chiseled form…her eyes clamped shut and her body arched violently against him….his lips grazing her skin, nibbling her nipples, a low hum buzzing over the sensitive flesh…her body arched harder, as the second, stronger waver wave crashed over her….she was on the verge of blacking out….her mind reeling as wave after wave overtook her…Dean's thrusts became harder…he rocked her harder each time, his muscles straining as he worked hard to reach his goal….she couldn't move…she was still reeling in the after shocks….she felt herself building again….Dean lay her back farther, rocking her violently to him,… her body's nerves were so overloaded that they were sparking on in her toes,…her finger tips….she felt the most intense wave she had ever felt felt building… her body crying out as she tried to survive the coming storm….Dean was so close now,….each thrust, each time he rocked her onto him, was harder, more jarring….she felt her body on the precipice….one final thrust and they both came crashing over the edge…..this time the pleasure was so intense,…her body overloaded,…her mind collapsed and she was falling,…in to the darkness….

Dean lay her gently back,… on the bed….her body quivered as wave after wave rolled through her…. He collapsed beside her, his body still reeling in the after math of the mind-blowing sex they had shared,…her body continued to quiver…low gasping moans occasionally break from her lips as her body fought to regain control… he wrapped his arm around her and pulled her close, her sensuous hair was damp and her body was drenched in sweat, as was his….his held her tight as he pulled the covers over them and layed his head on the pillow beside her….his lips gently brushing the skin of her neck….he drifted off in exhausted sleep, their spent bodies desperately seeking time to recover…..

He flashed back to the room where his body was,…Pamela was patiently waiting for him to tell his story…

"I'm sorry, where was I?" Dean said...

"You stopped just after you had left the bar and spent the night with Tara…." She said, a smile on her face as she imagined the feeling of his lips on her skin….she pushed her thoughts aside…she had work to do right now….

"We were sleeping, when all of a sudden, it felt like there was someone else in the room with us…I woke up just as a cloth full of chloroform was held over my face…and then it was lights out….We I woke again…I was in the warehouse…Tara was there,…standing over me…"

Dean flashed back and was experiencing it all over again…


	4. Chapter 4

Dean was tied tightly to the uncomfortable, sturdy wooden chair, all he had on was his boxers....his arms were aching from the strain of being pulled to their stretching point behind his body,...his muscles burned...but the burn was starting to fall away and give way to a cold, numb feeling...his mouth was occupied by a dirty hand kerchief shoved in to his mouth against his tongue and held tightly in place by a rough piece rope tightly bound over the gag and around to the back of his head,...its rough hewn texture grating into the sensitive skin around his mouth, rubbing it raw and in some cases,...causing blood to seep down from the corners and down his face...

"Dean,…Dean,….Dean,…I gotta tell ya……last night was….down right sinful, darlin'….you really know how to treat a lady…." Tara said, her eyes flashing red….

Dean struggled against his bounds,…no…no….no,….he had not had sex with a demon,….no…

"Aaawwwww…Dean darlin',…what's the matter….don't you like me anymore?....Didn't we have a good time?...." she said as she grabbed a handful of hair and yanked his head back….she bent down and kissed his lips over the gag,…and nibbled his ear,….his body registered the sensation, but he jerked away….a look of disgust in his eyes…

"Ooooh,…somebody's feisty….I like it when they've got a little fight in them…" she said as straddled him over the chair…she ground herself against him…his body responded, and she leaned into purr into his ear,…

"I wish we had enough time to have a repeat performance of last night,…" she said, grinding her body against him, causing him to feel tingling, pleasurable sensations shoot through his body….he was breathing hard…she kept going, grinding her body on him, moaning in pleasure, her head thrown back, her chest heaving until he and she shuddered as wave after wave crashed over them…she clenched down tight on him, holding him motionless until they felt the final wave of pleasure crash over them….Dean clenched his eyes shut, tears flowing….he wanted to throw up, but the gag made that impossible…."hmmmm,…' she said, letting her breathing steady, she open her eyes, they were still heavily lidded from pleasure..she leaned in close, he flinched back away from her as much as he could, but she grabbed a handful of his dark blonde hair and yanked his head back…she thrust her chest against him as she brought her lips to his ear and purred into it…"but that's just gonna have to do, darlin'….we've go work to do…." With that, she slid off him and his eyes snapped open….a blonde-haired man, his eyes burning black pits, wheeled a steel table over, upon it were a variety of surgical implements, as well as other nasty looking tools….

Dean tear-filled eyes looked on as he felt himself flash back to his time in Hell…

Pamela called to Dean…trying to pull him back….but he was gone…..

Dean's mind was overwhelmed with the terror and horror he couldn't escape…..he was in the room with Tara,…her companion standing back to watch her work….she pulled her hair back out of her face into a pony tail….she pulled on a clean white apron and cinched the ties tight…at last ready, she struck up an intense light and turned it toward him…Dean cringed back from the light….abject terror in his eyes….she smiled at him…"Dean,…Dean,…Dean,…this is going to be terribly fun, darlin'……for me anyways…." Tara purred as she selected her first instrument….a gleaming, sharp scalpel….she watched it glint in the light for a moment then turned her eyes back to Dean…a wicked smile curling her lips….she deftly brought it down to Dean's flesh…piercing the sensitive tissue of his inner thigh…deep enough to bleed but not deep enough to tap the artery pulsing there…he cried out through the gag…his muscles locked as the pain struck….he was shaking….his eyes clenched shut…Tara moved up to rake her blade down his chest, piercing deep enough to knick the muscle tissue…the burning pain causing Dean to lurch forward in the chair, only to be slammed back by his bounds…tears flowed freely….Dean's eyes clenched shut,…he was unable to make himself open them…he didn't want to see what she would do next…to see the evil smile she bore as she worked….over and over she cut him,…pausing only to inject him with stimulant to keep him conscious,…aware of every single pain…and to switch instruments of torture….

Dean's pain racked body was covered in blood and sweat….his face bore streaks of tears through the blood…he was shaking uncontrollably now from the drugs pumping through his system,…as well as from the pain and the terror gripping him….

His nerves were burning white hot under the strain of the pain load…misfiring and sending sparks of pain and numbness shooting through at random intervals….Dean's mind was shattered…flickering on and off between his worst days in Hell,…his tormentor shifting between Tara and Alastair…each new wound,…each new tear into his flesh,…he died a little more inside…even retreating into the deepest, darkest places in his mind…cowering in terror and begging someone,…anyone to help him…save him….didn't alleviate his mind…some fresh horror would drag him kicking and screaming backing into the moment…

"Dean,….such a supple canvas…..such exquisitely fine pain responses….I can see why Alastair enjoyed his time with you so much darlin',…you are so deliciously responsive….so fun to play with…." Tara purred into his ear….

Pamela was trying desperately to reach Dean….his body was racked in remember terror and pain…soft, terrible whimpers, like that of a horribly wounded animal,…issued from his lips….She was crying, her tears blinding her,…desperately trying to think of some way,…anyway to bring him back before it was too late…she was shaking,…"Dean…I'm so sorry….hold on….hold on…..please hold on…."

Tara gripped Dean's throat in a vice-like grip, forcing him to look at her…she straddled him again, choking him as she ground her body on him…she choked him to the point on death,…over and over…letting up at the last second,…laughing as he gasped for air and slowly come back to consciousness….his body shifting between shutting down and being unwantedly stimulated by her movements…he was gone inside…the very last traces of himself slipping away…..


	5. Chapter 5

Suddenly, Dean felt a miraculous presence…a presence full of grace…of light….he opened his eyes to see Castiel standing before him in a long, dark hall full of doors….he stretched out his hand to Dean…. Dean looked upon him in wonder…"Come with me Dean…" Cas said, his lips never moving…the voice issue from the space all around him….Dean slid his hand into Cas's…and was instantly pulled through space and time back to the present….he sat up screaming as he came back to his body….he was gasping….panting…the tears burning down his cheeks…he couldn't process it….it was too much for his mind to take….his mind collapsed under the strain and he sank into unconsciousness….

Castiel knelt still beside Dean's limp form…his host body was breathing hard,…struggling under the strain of the energy he had had to barrow from him….he shut his eyes,…trying to make the room stop spinning…..while he had steadied himself, he prayed for Dean,…prayed God would help him heal,…help his soul shine as brightly as it was meant to….he had seen Dean's soul…beneath the damage, beneath the heavy burden it carried, it was a glorious sight to behold….he prayed that someday, Dean would see it too….at long last,…he opened his eyes to look on Pamela…she was hugging herself, rocking and shaking….the tears streaming down her face….he felt her pain intensely….he reached out and gently brushed his finger tips to her forehead,…instantly a look of peace washed over her features….she stilled herself…peace and grace washing over her features,…she smiled at the angel,… nodding her thanks….Castiel turned back to Dean, who was curled in a fetal position on the couch…he stood,…sadness gracing his features…he bent and gripped the tormented, broken man,…lifting him gently,…his invisible wings rustling momentarily…he turned and carried Dean down the hall and into the room….gently laying him down upon the bed…..Dean curled around himself again…his features haunted by his pain….he placed his hand upon his forehead,…and prayed once more…and using as much angelic power as he dared,…he willed peace and rest to his charge…it would only be a couple of hours,…it was all he had left to give…he had expended most of his energy too recently to guide Pamela to Dean,…to give Dean a chance to survive his grievous wounds….he was drained and near exhaustion….

Castiel turned toward the door…Pamela was standing there….

"Watch over him…please…." And with that he turned to look at Dean one last time and then was gone in a flutter of wings…..

Pamela stood silently gazing at Dean from the door way….watching the steadied rhythm of his chest rising and falling…his muscles, still struggling to expel the chemical traces that the remembered fear had triggered, were twitching and jumping under his skin…her breath hitched in her chest, catching as she thought of what had almost happened…she lasped back in memory to what now felt like an eternity ago…She could feel Dean's mind slipping away as the torture he endured in Hell became interwoven with the torture he had endured from Tara…Pamela was frantic…desperate to bring Dean back from the brink…she was horror-struck at the fact that this was her doing….that she had failed to consider what would happen if he remembered the torture he'd endured…she had failed to make the connection in her own mind about what the memories might trigger….she had almost broken his mind completely…she feverishly ran over everything she could think of in her mind…any thing that might break the connection and bring him back to the present…her mind flickered with hope as a sudden thought sprang forth….Castiel!!!!! She could summon Castiel!!! She ran to gather the necessary items to call him forth…she set up what she need and reached inside herself for her gift…she slid her hand up Dean's shirt sleeve to the terrible raised scar Castiel had inadvertently left when he had gripped Dean and pulled him bodily from the depths of Hell itself. She felt the connection flare to life…

"Castiel!!! Dean needs your help!!!! Castiel!!!!!! Can you hear me…..Please, save him….before it's too late…." Pamela's voice broke off, her body shaking under the strain to keep the connection going…she felt him answer, more then she actually heard him in her mind…"I hear you Pamela Barnes…I will come…"

Pamela felt the connection shut down of it's own volition…She snapped open her eyes…she heard the rustle of wings….felt the wave of energy announcing his arrival…Castiel appeared in the arch of the hallway…his eyes latched upon Dean's convulsing form...he quickly closed the distance and sank down beside Dean….he closed his eyes and reached out to Dean's mind…the images of his torture played in his mind as Dean remembered them…he found his charge, his mind shattered, slipping willingly into the oblivion…Castiel reached out to him….catching him just before he fell over the brink…he strengthened the connection, pulling energy from his host's body…he pulled him swiftly back into the present time…back into his battered body…Pamela looked with terror and horror…horror at what she had done to Dean, terror at the presence of the Angel, still unable to shake the terrible hurt of their first encounter from her mind, though he had restored her sight…but most of all…terror that even though Dean had been pulled back into his mind, he might be too lost…too broken to be saved…and that was her fault. Castiel seemed to feel her overwhelming emotions…he brushed his fingertips gently over her brow and instantly, she felt at peace…she watched him carry Dean to the guest bed and calm him as he had calmed her…she could feel the overwhelming weariness in Castiel…whatever he had done to heal Dean's wounds and to bring him back to his mind, it had taken a terrible toll on the Angel…

Pamela flashed back to the present, tears of regret filling her eyes. She crossed the distance to the bed hesitantly, unsure if she should be near the man she'd nearly killed. Her heart decided for her…she wanted comfort him, to apologize to him…

She clambered up on to the bed, turning to reach down and pull the quilted coverlet up over them…she lay facing him, stroking his arm…his face…sending comforting thoughts to him…whispering her apologies…begged for him to forgive her. She pleaded with him to come back, to hold on…She willed him her strength. Most of all she prayed for him. She leaned toward him and kissed his brow then settled herself near him, her hand laying lightly upon his arm…she had had every intention of staying awake to watch him, but the toll of the events that had transpired eventually stole her away into sleep…

Pamela awoke abruptly when she heard her front door swing open…she reached out with her mind to gauge if the presence was friend or foe…she felt the concern and love radiating back from them…Bobby…Sam…she quickly kissed Dean's brow and stroked his cheek one last time before she gently removed herself from the bed, pulling the coverlet up around him. She went to the door, pausing to steal one last glance at Dean before closing the door behind her and making her way down the hall to the hunters who were unloading supplies in the living room. Her guilt weighed heavily on her mind and she knew what she was going to have to do…


	6. The Truth Won't Be Denied

**Warning:** Angst, Hurt!Dean, Protective/Worried!Sammy, Protective/Worried!Bobby.

**Disclaimer:** Checked again, sure enough, the boys, Bobby, Castiel and Pamela still aren't mine…Kripke owns all my toys, the bastard…

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**Chapter 6:**

**The Truth Won't Be Denied...**

As Pamela made her way down the hall, she tried to work out how exactly she was going to tell Sam and Bobby everything she knew about what had happened in the days Dean was missing and about what she had inadvertently done to damage Dean even further. Try as she might, though, the moment she rounded the corner and entered the kitchen, as she caught sight of the men who loved Dean most in the world, all her words flew right out of her mind. Sam and Bobby must have sensed her presence because they looked up, each gracing her with a tired smile. Sam's brow furled a moment later and whether it was his psychic power, his deeply ingrained brotherly attachment or Pamela's own fear and anguish that he responded to, the smile slid rapidly from his face, concern and utter terror marring his handsome features before her very eyes. He let the objects he held slip from his fingers, luckily enough they happened to be hovering over the table top, so they didn't fall far, still, the resounding thud reverberating through the small space made Pamela jump and pull back to the wall. Sam rushed toward her and she fell back even further, afraid that somehow, Sam knew exactly how close she had come to breaking his big brother completely.

"Pamela! What is it?!? What happened!?!?! Is Dean…is he alright?!?! Dammit!!!! Answer me!!!!" Sam nearly shouted. Pamela cringed back as far as she could, a tear slipping down her face as she faced off against the raging younger Winchester. Bobby stepped in, grasping a struggling Sam and forcibly turning the boy's face to toward him. The pupils of Sam's fearful eyes were blown wide and the golden brown that normally shone in them was nearly covered in black. The glistened wetly with unshed tears as Bobby finally got his attention focused on him.

"Sam, calm down son…breathe…that's it, come on, just breathe…" Bobby soothed. He felt Sam's body quivering from the adrenaline and fear rampaging though his system. For the longest moment in time, the boy refused to breathe. Bobby gave him a hearty slap on the back and Sam sucked a ragged, shuddering breath in at last. Sam stood panting for a moment as Bobby massaged soothing circles into his neck and shoulder.

"You good, son?" Bobby asked quietly. Sam nodded slowly. Bobby nodded and gave a tight, lingering squeeze on his shoulder before releasing his hold. Sam turned to face Pamela and managed to hold his cool for the moment as he spoke to the terrified psychic.

"What happened? Is he…" Sam swallowed hard, trying to control his breathing as he prepared to ask the unfathomable question haunting his mind…"did Dean…?" he couldn't voice the words. In his mind, even speaking them made them too close to being true and he couldn't…he wouldn't do it. Pamela knew what he was asking though and spared him from speaking the dreaded words.

"Dean's alive, Sam…but…um…there's something…uh…aw…shit…" Pamela broke off, mumbling under her breathe for a moment, running her fingers back through her hair before pulling in a deep, bracing breath and continuing. "Something happened while you were gone…and…Dean's even hurt worse now…and God, Sam, I'm so sorry…it's all my fault…what happened was all my fault…" Pamela said, tears rolling down her cheek. Sam's eyes went impossibly wider and he bolted toward the room Dean was in. Pamela got in front of him just before he could get to the door handle.

"Wait!!!" she hissed, keeping her voice low so she wouldn't disturb Dean. She saw Sam about to shout at her and her hands flew to him. She grasped tightly onto his bicep with one hand and clamped the other over his mouth tightly.

"Listen to me Sam!! I won't stop you from seeing you brother, but you have to let him rest. Castiel put him under to protect him. I don't know what kind of shape he'll be in…if he wakes up…but…he's hurt really bad and the Angel insisted he rest for as long as he could. You can't wake him, ok? Please? He needs to rest and get his strength back…" Pamela whispered urgently. Sam's eyes welled over and he stopped struggling against Pamela's grasp. "_If_…" she had said…"if" he wakes up…Oh God…please…let it be "When" he wakes up…Please?...please, he couldn't lose him…not again…never again…Sam closed his eyes for a moment and braced himself. He nodded and she knew he had understood her. She let her hands slip away and she stood back from the door. Sam looked at her and swallowed heavily as he gently twisted the knob and eased the door open.

Sam let out a tiny gasp as he took in the sight of his brother. Dean was curled in on himself, almost in a fetal position. Sam had never seen his big brother look so small and fragile. It was so completely out of character and it was truly unnerving to see. Dean was always his tough-as-nails big brother, his rock in the fucked up world they had grown up in. He had always masked himself under a façade of invulnerability, a carefully constructed, nearly impenetrable wall that Dean used to bury his pain and fear behind, though Sam could see right through it. For his part though, he'd always let his big brother have the dignity he felt the wall he had to keep up to keep the world out and keep his sanity, provided. Dean had taken on more pain and suffering in his lifetime, even before Hell, then most people could and somehow had always pushed himself back up to do it all over again. Time and again, Dean threw himself into the fray to protect his family, to save innocents, to face the darkest things that stalked their world. Sam knew better then anyone how much his brother gave up. He gave up his life, his dreams, everything that meant anything to him to give all of himself to his family and to the people they saved. He sacrificed himself long before he sold his soul to save his little brother. To see him now, so small, so broken…Sam had thought seeing his brother in the year before the deal came due, seeing him die horribly in front of his very eyes, the seeing him in the weeks after he'd been brought back as he struggled to find himself again…Sam had thought his heart couldn't fall any further, but he was wrong. Seeing Dean now was like all of that hitting him in a single, devastating blow. Sam crept toward the bed, silent and stealthily bringing himself to his brother's side. He desperately tried to swallow down the lump in his throat, not succeeding. He reached out tentatively, hand quaking in the space between his brother and him. As gently as he could manage, he lay his hand on his brother's sweat-soaked brow. As if to seal the terrible truth, which seared straight through Sam's soul, his brother actually leaned into the touch. Dean had never allowed himself to receive comfort…never let his guard down so completely to ever allow even something so simple and human as to be comforted by human touch. Sam's breath hitched and he choked back a sob.

Rising and pulling himself away from his brother, eliciting a low, whimpering moan from his brother as he felt the absence of the comfort once again, Sam turned and quickly but silently slipped from the room, making a beeline for the bathroom. Once inside, he slipped to the floor, his grief for his brother overwhelming and incapacitating him. He was right back to where he started a few days before when they had found his brother. Dean had been so torn and broken and so close to being gone again that Sam had damn near broken down. When the doctor's offered no hope for his survival and had offered to bring in a priest to offer last rights, Sam had snapped, trashing the doctor's office in a fit of helpless rage before collapsing in a broken heap. The doctor had grudgingly decided to forgo charges against a so obviously grief-stricken man. Sam had signed Dean out AMA, knowing his brother would never want to die in a hospital. He had taken him to Pamela's, as she was closer and the doc had said his big brother wasn't long for the world. Sam had taken up vigil, watching his brother slip away, as he prayed and begged and cried, forsaking all comfort, food, water…as he watched Dean die again. When Castiel had come, he felt the awe and sheer power radiating from the Angel. He collapsed with relief, feeling as if maybe,…just maybe his prayers had been answered. Castiel had directed him out of the room, brooking no argument. Sam had paced the hall, refusing to move too far from his brother. When Cas had finally emerged, he looked like Hell, no pun intended and waves of exhaustion seemed to pour off the Angel. Sam ran to his brother's side, sinking down beside him, seeing with wetly shinning eyes that his brother seemed to be on the road to recovery. He was still a mess of cuts and bruises and Sam knew that his resurrected, nearly unblemished flesh was once again scarred, bearing the marks of a lifetime of torment and pain that had temporarily been taken from his flesh. Sam had thanked the Angel profusely, praying and crying beside his brother's bed for days before Bobby had finally forced him away.

Now here he was again, his brother broken again, only this time in his mind apparently…Sam had no idea how or even if he could repair the wounds and damage. All of that hinged as well on if his big brother even _**could**_ make his way back…What if he couldn't? His already torn psyche might too damaged to make the journey…What if his brother was truly gone? His body alive but his mind lost to oblivion…Sam shuddered with the horror of it. He shook himself…no…this was Dean…a Winchester through and through…if anyone was stubborn enough to do it, it was Dean. He was even more stubborn at times then their father had been…and their father and friggin' clawed his way back up from the depths of Hell and tackled the damned Yellow-eyed bastard long enough for Dean to kill him!! Dean was too damn tough to let this break him. Sam was adamant with himself that Dean would come back from this and he would be right there every step of the way to help him.

Sam worked hard, pulling himself back together. He had to know what had happened, not only for his own terrible needs, but also so he could help his brother. He stood, body aching from all the stress and pain from his position on the floor. He systematically went through a checklist in his mind, finding, categorizing and then filing away the pains until he was able to function again. He turned on the cold tap, gathering the splashing, bitingly frigid water in his palm and sloshing it over his face, the cold making him that much more awake. He swiped his hand over his face and let the majority of the water bead up and drip off of its own volition before removing the remainder with a small towel he found by the sink. That done, he breathed deep and went out to confront Pamela and seek the truth of his brother's plight.

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**A/N:** So, yeah…I did warn about the angst… ;) Anyhoo, Read and Review, pretty please!?!?! I have another chapter almost ready to go, so fear not!! It's only a small cliffie wait to deal with this time.

Also, please check out my profile to view the links to my Supernatural line of jewelry!!!!! Thanks to everyone for their patience. I know I am terrible at times about updating my fics, but I am working to break my procrastination habit and feed the hunger of the people!!! Thank you and I love you all!!!!


	7. Revelations

**Warning:** Angst, Hurt!Dean, Protective!Sammy, Protective!Bobby.

**Disclaimer: **Checked again, sure enough, the boys, Bobby, Castiel and Pamela still aren't mine…Kripke owns all my toys, the bastard…

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**Chapter 7:**

**Revelations**

Sam strode purposefully through the narrow halls of Pamela's house, following the sounds of a low conversation being held in the small kitchen. Turning the last corner, the conversation in progress faded away to silence. Sam's eyes took in the sight of the psychic and Bobby sitting at the table in the somber silence. They looked up at him acknowledging his presence and their acceptance of the fact that he had had to take a little bit of time before rejoining them. As Sam made his way to the table and pulled the sturdy wooden chair out and made to sit, he saw Pamela flinch slightly. Deep down, though it was counter-balanced with shame, he couldn't help but feel a small bit of satisfaction upon seeing it. She had hurt his brother, his best friend, his father for all intents and purposes and he was slightly gladdened by the fact that she was upset and even a bit fearful because of it. She gave Sam a wide-eyed look, asking for forgiveness and showing her fear of his reaction simultaneously. Bobby, whom was the wisest and slyest man they knew, saw the interplay and took steps to head off any nasty outbursts for the time being. He tightened his comforting grip on the nape of her neck, reassuring her that he was not gonna let anything they'd all regret go down on his watch. He caught Sam's eye and cleared his throat. Sam drew himself in, battening down all the openings to his inner darkness, making himself have control over his still jumbled and roiling emotions. He nodded to Bobby and took a seat, locking his fingers together and placing them on the surface of the table. He took one final moment to be sure he was in control before he addressed Pamela. Ready now, he allowed his voice to break the uncomfortable silence.

"Pamela" he said quietly but firmly, "I need you to tell me everything that happened while we were gone so that I will know how I can try to help my brother." Sam finished, keeping his voice calm and emotionless.

Pamela, for her part, let out a small puff of breath that read like relief. She nodded silently, closing her eyes for a moment to steel her nerves. When she opened them, she took a deep breath and then began to tell her tale.

"Ok…I'll tell you everything…Dean woke up around noon. I felt him coming out of unconsciousness and so I sent Midnight, my cat, a familiar of sorts, to lead him to me. He was still in pretty bad shape but was determined to get up and around so I let him come to me rather then going to him because I know how much he hates to be seen as vulnerable or weak, but I was monitoring him the whole way, ready to go get him if I sensed he wasn't gonna make it." Pamela said in a rush of words, looking briefly at Sam before continuing.

"It took him a while but he made it to the kitchen and sat down to rest. He fell asleep for about a half an hour from the strain and exertion. I checked on him to be sure he was ok and I let him find me in the den, were I was scrying for answers on what had happened to him or who had taken him, which by the way, there was absolutely no answers from, almost as though something really powerful was blocking my way…" she said, looking between Bobby and Sam to let gauge their reactions. She could see Bobby was frowning slightly at that, but Sam was reserving his emotionality for the thing that mattered most and the rest of the information be damned for the moment. She pushed herself on.

"When he made it to me and slid down into his seat, I was able to sense him a little deeper. Something was blocked, hidden from view in his mind and I could tell he was not happy about it and was worried about what was contained in that gap of his memory, so I offered to hypnotize him and help him recover that lost time. He was missing all the memories back to the night before he disappeared. He remembered you guys going out to celebrate finishing up that hunt, before you were gonna head out after that demon Bobby had called you about. He remembered you drinking too much, Sam, and heading off to the room to sleep it off. That was where his memories stopped, a steep, dark drop-off from that point on until he woke up here. I should have known then, from the darkness pouring off them, that they were too much for his state of mind to take on, but he was persistent, insisting to know what had happened, so I put him under…If I had known…if I had realized he had blocked off the memories to save himself, I never would have done it, I promise you, Sam…I never would have put him under. I'm so sorry…so sorry…" Pamela lowered her gaze, not wiling to look in Sam's eyes.

"At first, it seemed ok, like he was remembering good memories…he remembered meeting a woman in the bar named Tara Gracen. He remembered taking her back to her hotel room, which was at the hotel a few blocks up from the one you guys were staying at, and they had what seemed to be a night full of all the fun two consenting adults can get up to behind closed doors. After they…um…well, after it was over, they fell asleep. That's when the bad memories reared their heads…" she said, stopping for a moment to take a deep breath. This was going to be painful for all parties concerned, she knew that and she wished like hell that she didn't know what had gone down and wished even harder that she hadn't torn open the wounds that were still so fresh and painful and had set off the almost catastrophic chain reaction that followed thereafter…Breathing deep once more, she started again, feeling the anxiety and fear climbing around her. She willed herself to focus solely on herself to stave off the overwhelming dread in the room as she thrust the dark events into the light of truth.

"Dean was woken a few hours later, having been transferred to the warehouse already at that point. I'm not sure if they had drugged him to do that, but I'm willing to bet so, cause we all know he wouldn't go quietly otherwise…Anyways, when he woke up, he was tied to a chair. I got the feeling that he had been their and in that position for quite some time because he had said his arms were aching but going numb. Standing in front of him was none other than Tara. She revealed herself to be the demon you boys were set to be looking for…guess she found you first…Dean inadvertently let her see the disgust he felt about knowing he'd had sex with a demon and she used it against him…She…um…" Pamela broke off, shaking her head, trying not to break down again before she was done telling them, she looked at Sam. He looked away briefly, a faint ruddiness playing on his face. Pamela got the feeling he had something he was hiding and she was pretty sure she could venture a guess about what it was…but, that was neither here nor there at this point so she pushed it away for now.

"She forced herself on him, made him react to her unwanted contact…" she said quietly.

Sam closed his eyes, trying to will the tears he felt rising away. God…she'd raped him! The bitch had raped him! And not only that, she made sure he'd had a reaction to it…adding to that the fact that she had screwed him before he knew what she really was…Dean was probably so guilt-ridden and ashamed because of it, though he had no cause to be what so ever…Sam knew his brother, however, and he knew exactly how he would react what had happened. Fucking twisted bitch! Sam swallowed hard, swiping his hand over his face, wishing he could make all of this go away, wipe it clean and spare his big brother the terrible torment and pain of it all. He opened his wetly shining eyes, looking to Bobby, who was similarly pained, his brows furled and eyes glimmering as they shared a saddened look before breaking the connection. Sam turned his attention back to Pamela. She had tears sliding down her face as well. He tilted his head to her slightly and she caught the meaning. He needed her to continue, to finish it so he could get back to his brother's side. She nodded and began again.

"She was with 2 other demons, her underlings I guess, she had him drugged to keep him awake, to make sure he felt every wound, every pain, and she began torturing him. After a while, his mind started to splinter, his memories of Hell merging with what she was doing to him…he lost his hold on the present and slipped back there, reeling between what he had suffered and what he was suffering at that point in time…she forced herself on him again, choking him to the point of death as she did so, making him feel and react again and again as she choked him then let him come back…she let him breathe, get nearly fully conscious, before she'd tighten her hold and push him back to the darkness again. I don't know how many times she did that to him, but he had already been weak from the cutting and burning and God knows what else she did to him…I felt him slipping then, felt his mind slipping back to Hell, I felt him losing reality and dying slowly inside his mind. I had been trying to break the connection, to pull him back from feeling the torture all over again…because he had been thrust back to that moment and for him, he was there, it was happening right then…" Pamela choked through a heaving sob, her hand quaking as it alighted to her mouth. Her tears were flowing heavily now, and Bobby, ever the gentleman, offered her his handkerchief.

Sam fisted his hand through his hair, willing himself to hold on, to get through this…because he had to know…only, the more he knew, the more he really didn't want to know. He buried his face in his palms for a time, he wasn't sure for how long. He felt a warm presence near him. He felt Bobby's hand squeeze his shoulder, bringing him back to the present. He sniffled, scrubbing at the tears welling from his eyes as he looked up into the older hunter's eyes. Her heard Pamela, sounding so small and far off as she finished sharing what she knew.

"I was frantic…I could feel him slipping away and I couldn't get to him, I couldn't bring him back…Suddenly, I remembered Castiel. I grabbed up what I needed to summon him and I got through to him. He showed up, going to Dean and he was able to catch him at the last second…but…Dean had been so far gone at that point and now with all the knowledge he had tried so hard to block out and protect himself from, I just don't know if he can fully come back from that! I don't know if it was too little, too late by the time Castiel got to him! I don't know!…God, this is so fucked up…" she shrieked out, body shaking with despair and misery. She reached out to Sam, her fingers clenching down into the flesh of his forearm.

"I'm so sorry. Sam, I am so sorry! I didn't mean to hurt him, I was trying to help…I'm so sorry!" Pamela whispered before she broke off, unable to speak anymore, all peace of mind that Castiel had given her was gone once again.

Sam nodded, unable to speak, to offer her any comfort. He stood, silently and broken-heartedly making his way back down the narrow hallway, slipping stealthily inside his brother's room, to take up his vigil at his big brother's bedside that he had only so recently abandoned. He had been so filled with hope from Cas's visit that his brother was going to be able come back to him again. All that hope was dashed away once again leaving him in utter despair.

Dean was already so haunted by everything he had had to deal with in his life. Raising his little brother after watching his mother burn to death in agony, watching his father almost destroy himself, trying to deal with they pain of her loss, only to have him pull away from his eldest son, falling back into his Marine teachings and building walls to keep his sons out to stave off the pain he would feel if he lost them too. Sam knew Dean had thrown himself into doing anything and everything to win back the love and comfort had once known from his father, but nothing ever got through to John Winchester. He never let himself be a father to Dean again. He still tried to be a father to Sam, the last precious gift Mary had given him, but he was torn, simultaneously trying to be both father and drill sergeant to him, succeeding only in pushing him away.

Dean took all of it in stride, fighting valiantly to keep their small, broken little family together, desperately holding on to the both of them, trying to bridge the ever-widening gap, playing peace-maker and always being stuck smack-dab in the middle of their raging, infamous Winchester tempers…Even still, he tried so hard to keep the connection. Then his little brother, his son, his best friend, his sole purpose in the world, as his father would have him believe, had gone and left him, turned away from him, pushing him out of his life. Sam knew he had almost broken his brother then. He'd vainly thought Dean deserved to keep their dad company, since he was such a mindless little soldier to the man. He hadn't realized then why Dean had been that way. He hadn't even considered what leaving would do to them both. Sam knew he was gonna do what he wanted and he didn't care what price Dean would pay for it all.

He hadn't known, not 'til years later, that, their father had left him, too. He come back to find Sam gone and apparently, he saw no need then to stick around with his eldest. He'd lit out of there like his ass was on fire, leaving Dean broken and alone. Dean had told him once that dad hadn't spoke to him for weeks afterwards, and then, when he finally did, he barely spoke at all, just ordered Dean off to various hunts on his own, rarely having Dean join him when he needed an extra man then sending him out again. Dean followed every order, doing his very best to win any acknowledgement from their father he could…Then the calls had stopped coming. He had tried to reach the eldest Winchester, to no avail. For the first time in his life, he was in charge of himself and for a little while he'd been lost as to what he should do. He threw himself into hunting, finding his own hunts, waiting for John to call. When he'd gotten the call, finally, he knew John Winchester was in trouble. He gone straight to the only person he ever really trusted to have his back to go rescue their errant father. Sam had resisted, but seeing some of the hurt that Dean thought he'd hidden away, Sam had relented to a short trip with his big brother.

The hunt was solved, their dad not found and he was turning his back on Dean again. If the demon hadn't come for him, hadn't killed Jess, he would have gone on pretending his brother didn't matter. Then Dean was there, pulling him from the fire all over again. He accepted Sam back, whole-heartedly. He took care of him, kept him going as they searched for the demon and their father. He'd kept Sam going as time after time the demon dipped into their lives, wreaking havoc. They'd finally found their father again, only to have the demon tear his big brother apart wearing his father's face and using his father's voice, spilling harsh, hurtful words designed to break him down completely and still he'd tried to save him. Then, after it seemed they'd miraculously come out of it all relatively alive, they'd been hit by that semi…

Dean had been dying, their father seemingly uncaring once again that his eldest was at death's door, but, he'd shocked the hell outta Sam by laying down his life, his soul to save Dean. Little did Sam know he gave one last order: Save Sam or kill him. The demon rampaged through their lives again and again until in the last moment, he'd set Sam up to kill or be killed against another man that had been infected by him. Sam had defeated him, but not struck the killing blow. He'd gone toward his brother, allowing the enemy take him from behind and kill him. That had truly broken Dean. His big brother had already felt like he didn't deserve to be alive, that his father had made a mistake in saving him, so he'd thrown his own soul down in a deal to save his beloved little brother.

The year-long quest to break the deal was a disaster, and nothing they did was able to save him. Dean had gone to Hell…for him. Sam had been lost then, his world tossed upside down and torn asunder. He'd been Hell-bent on joining Dean down their, only to be stopped by a demon of all things. When Dean had been resurrected and had found his way back into Sam's life, Sam had felt like he'd been given a second chance, a chance to make things right.

Lo and behold, he'd gone and fucked that up too, pushing away his brother at every turn. His broken, tormented brother, who was buried under the prospect of living with Hell riding around first and foremost in his mind day after day and the only one he could or would ever let himself reach out to for comfort goes and slams the door in his face. Looking back now, Sam felt utter and complete disgust at himself for all the needless, hurtful things he'd done to his brother. All the pain he'd willingly helped their father heap on him and still, his brother had never complained. Instead, he'd given himself selflessly into every single thing he'd ever done, truly the most selfless, amazing human being Sam had ever known but had never realized was right there next to him, not even after losing him, after pushing him away, not until he'd almost let it be too late to try and turn things around.

Sam edged as close to the bed as he could and placed his palm onto Dean's forearm. He reached out shakily and gently stroked his fingers through his big brother's short, tawny hair. Dean leaned into the comfort once again, as if he knew it was his little brother there. Sam thought he did know. All their lives, conscious or not, Dean knew where his little brother was and if he was in trouble, pain, upset, whatever…he knew Sam with uncanny accuracy and Sam often wondered if Dean didn't maybe have an intuitive gift as well…

Sam murmured soothing words to his brother, hoping somewhere, deep down, his brother could hear him and would be able to follow them back. As Sam was soothing his big brother, the rest of the world fell away. Only Dean existed. The rest of the shit-storm constantly whirling around them could wait. Sam's sole purpose was to figure out how to get his brother back and the rest of it be damned…

**TBC...**

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**A/N:** Ok, lots of angst, my favorite, and so yeah, this chappie was a bit emo, but whatever…

Anyhoo, thanks for sticking around, I'm not sure when I'll update next because I have other fics that need seein' to, but I will try not to let it be so damn long this time….and see, Krissy, I did update it! Now, quid pro quo, missy, where's YOUR promised update?

As usual folks, please **Read and Review!!!** Reviews make me happy and more likely to update sooner….

And, also, please visit my **Profile** and check out my collection of hand-made Supernatural jewelry, including replicas of the **Mary Winchester's Hunter's Protection **bracelet, as seen in the epi "**In the Beginning**" and **Dean Winchester's Skull **bracelet, which he has worn from the second season til present.

Thanks again, my fic loving friends!!! Catch ya on the flip side!


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